i want to be a kid again...

ahhhhhhi just finished my midterm exam :)
it went well--everything so far is still review for me which is somewhat frustrating, but at the same time-- before i came i didn´t have a solid grip on most of the grammer so its good for me to get it drilled into my head again

its half way over. i honestly can´t believe it. so far this week has been really chill and i´ve enjoyed it so much--its been full of moments and conversations that i wish i had the ability to replay for you second by second

on sunday, after eating lunch i decided to indulge in the Spanish culture and take a siesta...well kinda. i decided to watch a movie :) i got comfortable in my bed and turned on pride and prejudice. (aaaahhhh love it!) in less than two minutes i heard the front door open and shrills coming from two very cute little girls: my host "cousins" i guess you could call them. i´ve talked about them before, they are mi madre´s grandchildren that live next door.

suddenly my door opened and there stood Alahondra and little Ampie staring at me.

then after making eye contact they quickly shut the door back.

...and then opened it again :)

they ran in carrying baby dolls and speaking crazy spanish. sooooooo i can´t really understand Spain* spanish that easily and its definitely hard for me to understand baby Spain spanish! i paused the movie as they ran around the room picking up things and then jumping on the bed with me. the oldest, Alahondra 4 yrs old, snuggled up beside me and wanted to watch the movie with me. i explained to her that it was in english, but that hardly persuaded her not to watch it. which i was very excited about! we spent the next 10 minutes practicing the trilling of my rrrrrr´s because as i talked to her she kept telling me that i wasn´t saying the words right. ha. so we practiced :)
it was great. then we watch pride and prejudice until her mom came back...needlessto say it was a great sunday afternoon.

sunday night i tried out a different church. i felt very alone walking in. i sat on the back row because they had already starting singing. i tried really hard to understand the message...but i couldn´t. that was frustrating. i did pick out a lot of stuff but i just wish i could understand more!!! after church i was stopped by one of the men and after mumbling my mixed up spanglish to him about myself, he informed me that he could speak english--i hate it when they do that! lol i feel so silly because the whole time i have no idea that they know english. i got to stay after and talk with him for a while about all the things going on with their group of believers--it was so great to meet other believers...ahh i just love it. i love to see the heart of my Father, the love that he has put in his children and how he just connects all of us together. i miss intense fellowship with other believers....this has been such a growing experience...words can only express so much i wish i could somehow explain more...

i praise God for my roommate--we are very different but we our friendship has flourished. we don´t see each other during the day because of our different class schedules, and its funny...at the end of the day i come home and get so excited to see her--crazy how much you can bond with someone. well yesterday after class she waited for me to get out and we walked home together. the conversation turned to so many different subjects and ended up at religion. she started asking me questions. hard questions....i thank God for giving me that opportunity, but i don´t think i did Him justice. i hate that...that feeling that after you have attempted to explain God...your love for Him..his love for people...your thoughts on different subjects and right afterwards your like "man, that didn´t really come across the way i wanted it to" but i know with out a doubt that He is softening her heart, its nothing i will ever do anyway, i know he doesn´t need me but I pray for opportunities if he wants to use me.

we both decided to stay home last night--i needed to study for my exam today and she didn´t mind staying home with me. after dinner---our conversation continued about Jesus. i started talking to her about how i was reading through the gospels again and just pointing out to her different things that i found extraordinary about my Jesus. we had a long conversation about matt. 18:1-4

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly i say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

just on the way home she had told me a crazy story about her rollerblading and all the stunts and crazy things her and her friends used to have so much fun doing but that one time she got really scared and because of she was so unsteady and scared she almost crashed....at the end of the story she said that its funny how when she was a kid that would not have scared her at all but that something must happen as you grow up--you fear more.

after reading her this scripture i reminded her of what she said about being a kid and not having fear.

i told her that i love watching kids and that yesterday i had just seen a girl and her father walking on the sidewalk. the little girl started walking the other direction than her Dad over to a horse and carriage. she slowly got closer and closer to the horse--every time looking back at her Dad seeing what he was saying. he had stopped and was just watching her. with his hand he motioned for her to come back. she looked at the horse, looked back at her dad--and then ran straight back to Him and hugged him around his legs.

i just love how much trust little kids put in their parents. they don´t really question it, they don´t really wonder why their parents are asking them to do something, they might ver off the path but as soon as they see their Daddy´s eyes they run back....that is until they get older. until they get more knowledge, or more pride and start to think that they themselves might know better than their parents.

(which sounds absolutely crazy doesn´t it?)

so we discussed this. that Jesus was proclaiming that we should all be like little children. kids don´t have fear. they aren´t afraid of taking risks. they aren´t old enough to have knowledge to debate with their parents. they really don´t have a worry in the world.. kids are so free!

anyways...as you can see this tailspinned into a conversation about how i believe God wants us to be free. that he didn´t just come so we could get a ticket to heaven--but something more. he calls us to be kids. to surrender our life, our ambitions that we have accumulated over the years, our fears, our knowledge, our pride--and just follow him where ever he goes..living a life of abundance and craziness and joy and peace and realizing their is not reason for us to have a worry because the burden isn´t on our shouders--its on our Daddy´s
as kids we don´t have a list of reasons why we are good, because we haven´t DONE anything. as kids there is no reason for us to fill pride because of our salvation. we haven´t done anything to deserve it

its not that easy though when we have stopped being kids. i´m learning it takes a lot of retraining my brain to "become as a child"
for me, one of the biggest things i have to stop is debating God with all the thoughts in my head when i feel him calling me to do something....acting as if i myself might know better than him

(which sounds absolutely crazy doesn´t it?)