there are so many emotions inside of me right now.
i just finished my final and i am headed home to finished packing my suitcases and then catching a bus to madrid....where i will then fly to Italy and ultimately Romania.
please pray for safety.
i wish i had time to type more, and i wish i could explain all the is in my heart and my head.
this place has come to mean so very much to me.
needless to say these next few days are going to be full of intense emotions.
please also pray that the Lord will prepare me for Romania.
much love
Friday, June 29, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
so much so much
ahhh i am sitting on the terrace of the casa de Emilio
I am back at his house because there are people coming over from church to play games and eat ice cream(of course) but they are all running late so he has set me up on the roof/terrace with his laptop to check my email and blog :)
...one of the many luxeries i miss is having my laptop on hand at all times, i feel very disconnected from my closest friends and family without it --but on the other hand it has been wonderful to escape from the dependence i have on it
i am going to try to squeeze all that has happened in the past 4 days into one post--knowing that it is completely impossible but i want to share with you as much as i can! (plus this serves as a sort of journal for me)
eeekkk
so much has happened. :)
ok so last thursday after class I met with my intercambio (through the university they set you up with a college student here that wants to learn english, so you meet together and they help you with spanish and you help them with english)we met outside of town hall and then headed for a local cafe.
Her name is Chari and she is absolutely the cutest thing ever!i love meeting with her, we talk for hours just about everything under the sun. i speak in spanish and she speaks in english. it was so fun because i felt more free to make mistakes because she was making them right along with me.
afterwards Bettina met me in Plaza Juarez (one of the center places). when i arrived there was a jazz concert just starting up--however i was soo hungry so we went and got a bocadilla(sandwhich)..or actually 3 mini bocadillas--mi favorita! there is a restaurant here that has over 100 mini bocadillas, for one euro each! its amazing
so we started to walk and eat and talk and then came upon another concert in Plaza Nueva...except this was not just another concert..it was a BEATLES cover band!
crazy i know.
i can´t even explain how amazing this night was!Bettina and I found some seats in the crowd and sat down to enjoy the music. there were about 300 people there all siting in these nice marroon chairs
...i immediately started videoing and as i put down my camera i see this guy coming through the crowd. He was obviously a spanish college student and wanted the crowd to be more excited, so he took it upon himself to get the crowd going.
he was dancing through the seats and clapping his hands in the air....then he spotted me. i have no idea why
he then headed straight for me, pointing at me and motioning me to get up and start dancing with him!
holy cow i was so embarrassed. he got to my seat grabbed my hand and pulled me up. well i mean i didn´t really have a choice... sooooo i started clapping and dancing along with him :)...before i knew it about 50 college students from the back ran down to us and we all ran towards the front of the stage singing and dancing!
Bettina joined in the crowd and for the rest of the night we were at the edge of the stage singing classic Beatles songs to the top of our lungs!
"Lucy in the sky with diamonds!!....
"....hey jude...."
oooo I have many. many. videos get excited!
Friday night Chari (my intercambio) was celebrating her 24th birthday with a group of her friends and she invited me to come along. I invited some friends and it ended up being me, Bettina, and Chris(a guy studying with our program) and Chari´s group
I love being with mostly Spanish people. I love hanging out with them and attempting to speak spanish--i learn so much that way-Before coming on the trip everyone told me to make sure and not hang out with just americans. this is so very true, for many reasons. but its so hard to make a conscience effort to branch out and maybe not go do what everyone else from out program is doing. however, i am so glad I have had many experiences with the Spanish culture here on so many spectrum...i cherish the nights that bettina and I found random things to do and ended up making friends immediately and practicing our spanish
sooo we met up with Chari and her friends at her favorite bar and we just got to talk with them and get to know them. then i headed to a discoteca with them!
i can´t really describe the place we went. the only way i know how to really is that if Paris Hilton came to Sevilla she would show up at this discoteca.
it was insane.
i felt like i was in NY city. crazy crazy night!
it is so funny because everywhere they play American music but no one knows what they are saying. so every time a song would come on they wanted me to say the words really slow so they could understand. it was hilarious! especially because in most songs there is a lot of slang and to non-english speakers it doesn´t make any sense!
Well..then Saturday morning our program headed to Granada!I was so excited about this trip, i have heard so much about this city and was ready to experience it for myself
...it was everything that i couldn´t even imagine.
this city is set in the mountains with rolling hills all throughout...and of course the Alhambra (the palace that is in the running for one of the 7 Wonders of the World)...words can´t even describe.
this was the last city for the Christian Army to conquer in Spain and so much of the muslim/arabic influence is still very much apart of the aura of Granada
we had about 4 hrs to explore the city when we got there...we just started walking one direction and it lead us to a street full of Arabic little stores. i was lost in all the handmade purses and necklaces and lamps and blankets- all very intriguing
that night they took us on a long walk up the mountain so we could get a sky view of the Alhambra at night...it was a site that was absolutely breathtaking.
we then headed to a special Flamenco show just for us at a little place that was actually built into the side of the mountain in a little cave. Flamence is unlike any dance i have every seen, it is very very theatrical. full of intense emotion. I have seen it many times in Sevilla because Sevilla is well known for its flamenco as well and i have grown to love it...i´m practicing my moves too :)
after the Flamenco show Bettina and I and 3 of our other good friends headed to find something to do. we happened upon a hole in the wall arabic restaurant. we stayed for 4 and 1/2 hrs just talking and laughing and eating. one of the best nights so far...just remembering everything that has happened, sharing what we have learned...it was great
Sunday we toured the Alhambra and i mean i don´t really know what to say, i which i could show you all the snapshots inside my head. absolutely beautiful
So this weekend our beloved Sevilla fútbol team won! VICTORIA! and it means that they won some sort of Cup as well. i´m not sure on all the details i just know that it was BIG--whatever they did. and before we left Granada our directors told us that the town was going to be crazy that night and so we should all go out and see the fiestas and everyone celebrating.
Bettina and I headed to the center. thousands upon thousands of people flooded the streets all dressed in red and ALL carrying a blow horn. lol. it was very loud!
the players drove through the streets on top of their bus while the crowd sang and chanted.
"VAMOS A SEVILLA..VAMOS CAMPEON NA NA NAAAAAAA NA NA NAAAAA!!!!!"
the crowds were headed to Plaza Nueva so Bettina and i ran through the back tiny streets and attempted to beat the crowd. well...everyone else had that idea too ha! we finally arrived and in order to see what was going on we climbed up on a window of town hall along with some crazy Sevilla fans.
these people are crazy about fútbol.
crazy!needless to say it was a very interesting night and again i have lots of vidoes :)
well everyone is arriving at Emilio´s and I am going to go play games and eat!
I am back at his house because there are people coming over from church to play games and eat ice cream(of course) but they are all running late so he has set me up on the roof/terrace with his laptop to check my email and blog :)
...one of the many luxeries i miss is having my laptop on hand at all times, i feel very disconnected from my closest friends and family without it --but on the other hand it has been wonderful to escape from the dependence i have on it
i am going to try to squeeze all that has happened in the past 4 days into one post--knowing that it is completely impossible but i want to share with you as much as i can! (plus this serves as a sort of journal for me)
eeekkk
so much has happened. :)
ok so last thursday after class I met with my intercambio (through the university they set you up with a college student here that wants to learn english, so you meet together and they help you with spanish and you help them with english)we met outside of town hall and then headed for a local cafe.
Her name is Chari and she is absolutely the cutest thing ever!i love meeting with her, we talk for hours just about everything under the sun. i speak in spanish and she speaks in english. it was so fun because i felt more free to make mistakes because she was making them right along with me.
afterwards Bettina met me in Plaza Juarez (one of the center places). when i arrived there was a jazz concert just starting up--however i was soo hungry so we went and got a bocadilla(sandwhich)..or actually 3 mini bocadillas--mi favorita! there is a restaurant here that has over 100 mini bocadillas, for one euro each! its amazing
so we started to walk and eat and talk and then came upon another concert in Plaza Nueva...except this was not just another concert..it was a BEATLES cover band!
crazy i know.
i can´t even explain how amazing this night was!Bettina and I found some seats in the crowd and sat down to enjoy the music. there were about 300 people there all siting in these nice marroon chairs
...i immediately started videoing and as i put down my camera i see this guy coming through the crowd. He was obviously a spanish college student and wanted the crowd to be more excited, so he took it upon himself to get the crowd going.
he was dancing through the seats and clapping his hands in the air....then he spotted me. i have no idea why
he then headed straight for me, pointing at me and motioning me to get up and start dancing with him!
holy cow i was so embarrassed. he got to my seat grabbed my hand and pulled me up. well i mean i didn´t really have a choice... sooooo i started clapping and dancing along with him :)...before i knew it about 50 college students from the back ran down to us and we all ran towards the front of the stage singing and dancing!
Bettina joined in the crowd and for the rest of the night we were at the edge of the stage singing classic Beatles songs to the top of our lungs!
"Lucy in the sky with diamonds!!....
"....hey jude...."
oooo I have many. many. videos get excited!
Friday night Chari (my intercambio) was celebrating her 24th birthday with a group of her friends and she invited me to come along. I invited some friends and it ended up being me, Bettina, and Chris(a guy studying with our program) and Chari´s group
I love being with mostly Spanish people. I love hanging out with them and attempting to speak spanish--i learn so much that way-Before coming on the trip everyone told me to make sure and not hang out with just americans. this is so very true, for many reasons. but its so hard to make a conscience effort to branch out and maybe not go do what everyone else from out program is doing. however, i am so glad I have had many experiences with the Spanish culture here on so many spectrum...i cherish the nights that bettina and I found random things to do and ended up making friends immediately and practicing our spanish
sooo we met up with Chari and her friends at her favorite bar and we just got to talk with them and get to know them. then i headed to a discoteca with them!
i can´t really describe the place we went. the only way i know how to really is that if Paris Hilton came to Sevilla she would show up at this discoteca.
it was insane.
i felt like i was in NY city. crazy crazy night!
it is so funny because everywhere they play American music but no one knows what they are saying. so every time a song would come on they wanted me to say the words really slow so they could understand. it was hilarious! especially because in most songs there is a lot of slang and to non-english speakers it doesn´t make any sense!
Well..then Saturday morning our program headed to Granada!I was so excited about this trip, i have heard so much about this city and was ready to experience it for myself
...it was everything that i couldn´t even imagine.
this city is set in the mountains with rolling hills all throughout...and of course the Alhambra (the palace that is in the running for one of the 7 Wonders of the World)...words can´t even describe.
this was the last city for the Christian Army to conquer in Spain and so much of the muslim/arabic influence is still very much apart of the aura of Granada
we had about 4 hrs to explore the city when we got there...we just started walking one direction and it lead us to a street full of Arabic little stores. i was lost in all the handmade purses and necklaces and lamps and blankets- all very intriguing
that night they took us on a long walk up the mountain so we could get a sky view of the Alhambra at night...it was a site that was absolutely breathtaking.
we then headed to a special Flamenco show just for us at a little place that was actually built into the side of the mountain in a little cave. Flamence is unlike any dance i have every seen, it is very very theatrical. full of intense emotion. I have seen it many times in Sevilla because Sevilla is well known for its flamenco as well and i have grown to love it...i´m practicing my moves too :)
after the Flamenco show Bettina and I and 3 of our other good friends headed to find something to do. we happened upon a hole in the wall arabic restaurant. we stayed for 4 and 1/2 hrs just talking and laughing and eating. one of the best nights so far...just remembering everything that has happened, sharing what we have learned...it was great
Sunday we toured the Alhambra and i mean i don´t really know what to say, i which i could show you all the snapshots inside my head. absolutely beautiful
So this weekend our beloved Sevilla fútbol team won! VICTORIA! and it means that they won some sort of Cup as well. i´m not sure on all the details i just know that it was BIG--whatever they did. and before we left Granada our directors told us that the town was going to be crazy that night and so we should all go out and see the fiestas and everyone celebrating.
Bettina and I headed to the center. thousands upon thousands of people flooded the streets all dressed in red and ALL carrying a blow horn. lol. it was very loud!
the players drove through the streets on top of their bus while the crowd sang and chanted.
"VAMOS A SEVILLA..VAMOS CAMPEON NA NA NAAAAAAA NA NA NAAAAA!!!!!"
the crowds were headed to Plaza Nueva so Bettina and i ran through the back tiny streets and attempted to beat the crowd. well...everyone else had that idea too ha! we finally arrived and in order to see what was going on we climbed up on a window of town hall along with some crazy Sevilla fans.
these people are crazy about fútbol.
crazy!needless to say it was a very interesting night and again i have lots of vidoes :)
well everyone is arriving at Emilio´s and I am going to go play games and eat!
Friday, June 22, 2007
frustrated and...full of joy
yesterday it happened. tears came during class...
its been a few days coming. for the last three days of class i´ve walked out and wanted to scream. to the top of my lungs and then go buy a huge bar of chocolate. ha.
(juliette if you are reading this, just think back to all the times this past year we walked out of our spanish classroom in shear frustration...extremely similar)
i have been great until now. i have been patience with my ignorance in the language. or reminded myself to be. i have attempted to speak spanish with everyone i´m around all the time--even though I ALWAYS sound like a rambling idiot piecing spanish and english words together or just saying the verb without conjugating it. but non-the-less I always tell myself that i´m not allowed to get upset or angry or frustrated-i have to constantly remind myself that this will take time. i will not be speaking beautiful flowing spanish tomorrow not matter how desperately i want to. this is going to take time and discipline.
...time and discipline. two very great words huh? don´t you just love to swallow them? along with a big plate of 1 Thess. 5:16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (thank you her hands)
so yesterday during class without warning i had to sort of hide my face, go to the bathroom acting as if something was wrong with my contact...
it has been hard.
but i love it.
i love that i´m living with a family that doesn´t know ANY english. i love communicating with them. its a change. its a refreshing change. it has been a huge learning experience.
it has been hard. but i like being pushed out of my comfortable little 3x3 box. waaaay out of the box. i wish the box didn´t really exist. maybe the Lord will keep pushing me further and further and further in life..through experiences through living...and i won´t even know what a box is. or what the limits are. or what constrains me. ooooooooooo i want to be there. someday...maybe someday
so yes after my frustrating day i walked out of school and my roommate was waiting for me. first thing she said was i looked as if i had just been in a huge fight and definitely lost. ha. well lucky me thats what i felt like too. i told her i never wanted to hear spanish again. (not really...i´m over that now but i did feel that way at the time)
she met me because we were going to go to a bible study. :)
At church a couple of sundays ago i met a guy and he had invited me to his house for their wed. night bible study. I didn´t get to go last week and so i really wanted to go and check it out, if anything just to speak more spanish. Bettina had thought i was kinda crazy for going by myself to some random house, so she decided she would come along.
well...after my frustrating class honestly the last thing i wanted to do was be around people speaking spanish and me not understanding
so before going we went to a TEXAS bar and grill.
yep. not joking
i had passed it the other day and almost wet my pants. its called LONESTAR Bar and it has Texas flags all over the place. pictures of governers. etc. absolutely amazing! and i got a plate of rice and beans and ranchero chicken :)
mmmmmmmmm...(the first thing i´m doing when i get off the plane is eating mexican food. never knew how much i´d miss it!)
so we headed across town following a map to Emilio(the guy)´s house. i love the way the streets work here. they dont. ha. at all. they are just a bunch of crazy mazes. you attempt to follow a map. but then you always end up just taking streets in the general direction of where you want to go. then somehow, i have no idea how to explain this, you look up and in between two buildings that stand about 4 ft apart is your street. ha. believe me it happens and its crazy.
so we found the street. or so we thought. i called Emilio and he ended up metting us and then we followed him to his house.
this guy is crazy. he loves Jesus. and is very hyper. he is fluent in english too which was wonderful. however we talk spanish to each other because...well...i´m trying to learn spanish.
betinna still thought this was real sketchy. lol
i wish there was somehow i could have videoed this entire night for you. basically it was me, bettina, emilio, and 2 other guys. we all sat on the back patio and began to study galations 5.
like i said Emilio knows english very well and so did Juan--they would speak in spanish and if we didn´t understand they would translate for us. Juan teaches at the British Insitute here in Sevilla so he was a great english speaker.
however...most of the time these guys would just go at it(muy rapido)--flipping through the bible to other related scriptures, expressing opinions, talking about what certain preachers had said about specific things (ps. emilio and juan listen and read John piper all the time, funny connection there), discussing between themselves while bettina and i tried to soak it all in. We probably had about 25 bibles on the table circulating and a couple of dictionaries. i loved it!this brought so so so much joy to me.
Thank you Lord for bringing me there.
i laughed almost all night. for no reason at all really. just at the randomness of it. just at the fact that sometimes we would just stare at each other across the table knowing we wanted to say something but had no idea how to express it.
then at about 11:30 they all shut their bibles.
we thought it was time to go.
nope. how could i not have guessed?
they brought out the food. haha. AND helado!!!!! (ice cream)
i really really really wish this was on video. i couldn´t stop laughing. then we just talked about life things. about politics and what was happening in España concerning the church and the government....and i mean everything under the sun.
Juan gave us a ride home! yiippee no taxi money spent!
it was a great night. and I thank God for immediately giving me a deeper passion to learn the language after such a frustrating day.
its been a few days coming. for the last three days of class i´ve walked out and wanted to scream. to the top of my lungs and then go buy a huge bar of chocolate. ha.
(juliette if you are reading this, just think back to all the times this past year we walked out of our spanish classroom in shear frustration...extremely similar)
i have been great until now. i have been patience with my ignorance in the language. or reminded myself to be. i have attempted to speak spanish with everyone i´m around all the time--even though I ALWAYS sound like a rambling idiot piecing spanish and english words together or just saying the verb without conjugating it. but non-the-less I always tell myself that i´m not allowed to get upset or angry or frustrated-i have to constantly remind myself that this will take time. i will not be speaking beautiful flowing spanish tomorrow not matter how desperately i want to. this is going to take time and discipline.
...time and discipline. two very great words huh? don´t you just love to swallow them? along with a big plate of 1 Thess. 5:16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (thank you her hands)
so yesterday during class without warning i had to sort of hide my face, go to the bathroom acting as if something was wrong with my contact...
it has been hard.
but i love it.
i love that i´m living with a family that doesn´t know ANY english. i love communicating with them. its a change. its a refreshing change. it has been a huge learning experience.
it has been hard. but i like being pushed out of my comfortable little 3x3 box. waaaay out of the box. i wish the box didn´t really exist. maybe the Lord will keep pushing me further and further and further in life..through experiences through living...and i won´t even know what a box is. or what the limits are. or what constrains me. ooooooooooo i want to be there. someday...maybe someday
so yes after my frustrating day i walked out of school and my roommate was waiting for me. first thing she said was i looked as if i had just been in a huge fight and definitely lost. ha. well lucky me thats what i felt like too. i told her i never wanted to hear spanish again. (not really...i´m over that now but i did feel that way at the time)
she met me because we were going to go to a bible study. :)
At church a couple of sundays ago i met a guy and he had invited me to his house for their wed. night bible study. I didn´t get to go last week and so i really wanted to go and check it out, if anything just to speak more spanish. Bettina had thought i was kinda crazy for going by myself to some random house, so she decided she would come along.
well...after my frustrating class honestly the last thing i wanted to do was be around people speaking spanish and me not understanding
so before going we went to a TEXAS bar and grill.
yep. not joking
i had passed it the other day and almost wet my pants. its called LONESTAR Bar and it has Texas flags all over the place. pictures of governers. etc. absolutely amazing! and i got a plate of rice and beans and ranchero chicken :)
mmmmmmmmm...(the first thing i´m doing when i get off the plane is eating mexican food. never knew how much i´d miss it!)
so we headed across town following a map to Emilio(the guy)´s house. i love the way the streets work here. they dont. ha. at all. they are just a bunch of crazy mazes. you attempt to follow a map. but then you always end up just taking streets in the general direction of where you want to go. then somehow, i have no idea how to explain this, you look up and in between two buildings that stand about 4 ft apart is your street. ha. believe me it happens and its crazy.
so we found the street. or so we thought. i called Emilio and he ended up metting us and then we followed him to his house.
this guy is crazy. he loves Jesus. and is very hyper. he is fluent in english too which was wonderful. however we talk spanish to each other because...well...i´m trying to learn spanish.
betinna still thought this was real sketchy. lol
i wish there was somehow i could have videoed this entire night for you. basically it was me, bettina, emilio, and 2 other guys. we all sat on the back patio and began to study galations 5.
like i said Emilio knows english very well and so did Juan--they would speak in spanish and if we didn´t understand they would translate for us. Juan teaches at the British Insitute here in Sevilla so he was a great english speaker.
however...most of the time these guys would just go at it(muy rapido)--flipping through the bible to other related scriptures, expressing opinions, talking about what certain preachers had said about specific things (ps. emilio and juan listen and read John piper all the time, funny connection there), discussing between themselves while bettina and i tried to soak it all in. We probably had about 25 bibles on the table circulating and a couple of dictionaries. i loved it!this brought so so so much joy to me.
Thank you Lord for bringing me there.
i laughed almost all night. for no reason at all really. just at the randomness of it. just at the fact that sometimes we would just stare at each other across the table knowing we wanted to say something but had no idea how to express it.
then at about 11:30 they all shut their bibles.
we thought it was time to go.
nope. how could i not have guessed?
they brought out the food. haha. AND helado!!!!! (ice cream)
i really really really wish this was on video. i couldn´t stop laughing. then we just talked about life things. about politics and what was happening in España concerning the church and the government....and i mean everything under the sun.
Juan gave us a ride home! yiippee no taxi money spent!
it was a great night. and I thank God for immediately giving me a deeper passion to learn the language after such a frustrating day.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
another week in España :)
attention: Polémical Leyde Cine; con ¨fallos¨para los actores y salas
apparently the movie theater people are on strike. yep. on strike. it happened just yesterday and unfortunately we found out about 3 hrs too late.
last night a group of my friends and I decided we wanted to experience going to the movies in Spain and so headed to al cine, pero when we arrived it felt like a complete ghost town. The cine is located in a plaza a good solid 45 min. walk from our little apartment. Bettina and I left in plenty of time to get there...so we thought. however we went to the wrong plaza. and so quickly caught a taxi to take us to the right one because it was about 3 min till the movie started and we didn´t want to miss anything! as we ran into the building we realized it was completely empty. we ran upstairs, ran around all the ticket booths and found no one. then we saw our group of friends who had the news. the movie people are on strike. seriously? ¿por qué? no se, pero estaba muy triste.
but we instead stumbled into our favorite flamenco bar. every night free flamenco dancing. you can´t beat that. :) and its nestled in the middle of the windy streets behind the catedral. you honestly would not just happen upon this place. you have to be going there to get there. and my teacher explained to me it is because this place used to serve as a secret meeting room for the politicians. it´s basically underground, or so it feels like it is, and there are three different rooms. the first one is live music and just chill sort of atmoshere. the next is the flamenco room/bar which has a singer and dancer every night. the last room is a beautiful outdoor patio. its great.
soooo this week has been so jammed packed! i wish i had time to write more often and with more detail and i wish i could post pictures (but i don´t know how..)
lets see last wednesday night I experienced my first Raggae Discoteca :) yep. believe me it was incredible and it was only 5€ ahhhmazing! complete with a live Raggae band with trumpets, saxaphones, drums, a few guitars, and amazing singers with the best dreadlocks i´ve ever seen.
sidenote: one day mom i want dreads. in that i mean if i come home with dreads, don´t be surprised. just throwing that out there ;)
so we danced. i mean not really--more like swayed and tossed your head back and forth with the music (picture the 70s) . i LOVED it. everyone was just so chill and free and we just all moved any which way you wanted!
thursday night Bettina and I went out for ice cream.
WARNING: if you come to España you will get addicted to helado. (helado=ice cream) its everywhere. on every street corner. in every restaurant. and its sooo good. you crave it all the time. the hot weather adds to the addiction. and the extremely strange eating schedule really adds to the addiction. we eat breakfast at 8:30ish and we have pan(bread) with butter and jelly. then we eat lunch at 2:30. yep that is roughly 6 hrs, enough to make you feel like your stomach starts to eat yourself. then we eat dinner around 9:30. roughly 7 hrs in between the meals.
therefore you can see where ice cream comes into play. however, helado is muy cara. (very expensive) but dont worry we have found a way around that. McDonald´s cones are .90€ :) who would have thought i would get addicted to micky d´s ice cream while in spain. but believe me, you come and you will understand....hopefully all the walking is working the helado off...
Friday night a group of my friends returned to our little hippy area i talked about in a previous post. it is a huge open plaza surrounded with a few bars and discotecas. and all the people there are mostly in their 20s and are estudiantes. which i like a whole lot. first of all going places where there are old men. creepy old men--is not fun. so this place is a nice change. and it is an atmosphere that spurs on conversation. we all just sit on the ground in little groups and talk. well most people drink a whole lot. entirely way to much. but non-the-less it breeds good convos.
i started talking to one guy who was sitting beside me. he is american but we decided to speak only in spanish because i like doing that and it helps me. of course he is completely fluent and just helped me out a lot when i made mistakes. the conversation turned to eating and he said he couldn´t eat certain foods mixed together: i.e. dairy products and meat. which turned the convo to religion. he is jewish...
a lot of times i honestly don´t enjoy going to these places that surround myself with alcohol and just sitting around and doing nothing. i would much rather stay home and read. (yes i am a nerd). however, i am just trying to deal with the fact that i am here and this is a part of their culture. and even more than that this is the chance i get to get to know people, to reach out to people and attempt to start a friendship with those on the trip with me. but like this specific time i had a chance to share my love for Jesus with someone. i had a chance to just be real and open. i don´t really know what i´m trying to say...but it was a good night and very eyeopening for me. the Lord continues to teach me so very much about Him and myself and how we are different from each other...how he wants me to change. how he is encourages me more and more to give hand more of myself over to Him.
if there is one thing i have shared more about and learned more about concerning my relationship wtih God is that he is WITH me. i have spent a lot of alone time this trip. throughout the day i am by myself quite a lot. i go walking around el centro, or around the little shops and neighborhoods, or go study in Starbucks (which Spainairds look at you as if you are insane when you study in a cafe...they should come to college station...ha) but i feel close to Him. just vocalizing lots of my thoughts and questions to him. just talking to him. this past semester i read a lot in genesis, and contemplated a lot about Adam. the one thing that i found most interesting is that he spent a lot, a lot of alone time with God. from that i take that God wants to be with us. wants me to want to be with Him. not just simply know that he exists but experience him.
¨For what we need to know, of course, is not just that God exists, not just that beyond the steely brightness of the stars there is a cosmic intelligence of some kind that keeps the whole show going, but that there is a God right here in the thick of our day-by-day lives who may not be writing messages about himself in the stars but in one way or another is trying to get messages through our blindness as we move around down here knee-deep in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of the world. It is not objective proof of God´s existence that we want but the experience of God´s presence. That is the miracle we are really after, and that is also, I think, the miracle that we really do get.¨ (fredrick buechner)
i agree. that is the miracle we get. that is the miracle that i have gotten. the overwhleming experience of living WITH God. experiencing life with Him.
Saturday we travled to Jerez and Cadiz. uggg wish i could show you pics...i will post them sometime i promise!
Saturday night we arrived back in Sevilla and i spent the night with Blaire. laying on her bed her hotel room just talking. about everything. mostly Jesus. mostly what we are going through that we don´t really have anyone else to talk with about...or at least anyone who knows me like blaire does. it was so good to see her. i Praise God for doing that for me. for letting us be together throughout the trip every now and then. it has been so refreshing.
Sunday Bettina and I got up and went to the Gypsie Market :) it was fabulous! definitely jammed packed with people. you could barely walk through the streets around all the tables. it took us about 2 hrs to see everything there. i bought two CDs for 1€ each! yep i´m a bargain shopper and they are 2 of the bands i have been wanting to listen to! and they had the best and biggest fruit i have ever seen. we bought two gigantic apples. decided to save them for the next day and we woke up with our room smelling like granny smith! mmmmm soo good.
i have to eat some lunch.
much much love.
apparently the movie theater people are on strike. yep. on strike. it happened just yesterday and unfortunately we found out about 3 hrs too late.
last night a group of my friends and I decided we wanted to experience going to the movies in Spain and so headed to al cine, pero when we arrived it felt like a complete ghost town. The cine is located in a plaza a good solid 45 min. walk from our little apartment. Bettina and I left in plenty of time to get there...so we thought. however we went to the wrong plaza. and so quickly caught a taxi to take us to the right one because it was about 3 min till the movie started and we didn´t want to miss anything! as we ran into the building we realized it was completely empty. we ran upstairs, ran around all the ticket booths and found no one. then we saw our group of friends who had the news. the movie people are on strike. seriously? ¿por qué? no se, pero estaba muy triste.
but we instead stumbled into our favorite flamenco bar. every night free flamenco dancing. you can´t beat that. :) and its nestled in the middle of the windy streets behind the catedral. you honestly would not just happen upon this place. you have to be going there to get there. and my teacher explained to me it is because this place used to serve as a secret meeting room for the politicians. it´s basically underground, or so it feels like it is, and there are three different rooms. the first one is live music and just chill sort of atmoshere. the next is the flamenco room/bar which has a singer and dancer every night. the last room is a beautiful outdoor patio. its great.
soooo this week has been so jammed packed! i wish i had time to write more often and with more detail and i wish i could post pictures (but i don´t know how..)
lets see last wednesday night I experienced my first Raggae Discoteca :) yep. believe me it was incredible and it was only 5€ ahhhmazing! complete with a live Raggae band with trumpets, saxaphones, drums, a few guitars, and amazing singers with the best dreadlocks i´ve ever seen.
sidenote: one day mom i want dreads. in that i mean if i come home with dreads, don´t be surprised. just throwing that out there ;)
so we danced. i mean not really--more like swayed and tossed your head back and forth with the music (picture the 70s) . i LOVED it. everyone was just so chill and free and we just all moved any which way you wanted!
thursday night Bettina and I went out for ice cream.
WARNING: if you come to España you will get addicted to helado. (helado=ice cream) its everywhere. on every street corner. in every restaurant. and its sooo good. you crave it all the time. the hot weather adds to the addiction. and the extremely strange eating schedule really adds to the addiction. we eat breakfast at 8:30ish and we have pan(bread) with butter and jelly. then we eat lunch at 2:30. yep that is roughly 6 hrs, enough to make you feel like your stomach starts to eat yourself. then we eat dinner around 9:30. roughly 7 hrs in between the meals.
therefore you can see where ice cream comes into play. however, helado is muy cara. (very expensive) but dont worry we have found a way around that. McDonald´s cones are .90€ :) who would have thought i would get addicted to micky d´s ice cream while in spain. but believe me, you come and you will understand....hopefully all the walking is working the helado off...
Friday night a group of my friends returned to our little hippy area i talked about in a previous post. it is a huge open plaza surrounded with a few bars and discotecas. and all the people there are mostly in their 20s and are estudiantes. which i like a whole lot. first of all going places where there are old men. creepy old men--is not fun. so this place is a nice change. and it is an atmosphere that spurs on conversation. we all just sit on the ground in little groups and talk. well most people drink a whole lot. entirely way to much. but non-the-less it breeds good convos.
i started talking to one guy who was sitting beside me. he is american but we decided to speak only in spanish because i like doing that and it helps me. of course he is completely fluent and just helped me out a lot when i made mistakes. the conversation turned to eating and he said he couldn´t eat certain foods mixed together: i.e. dairy products and meat. which turned the convo to religion. he is jewish...
a lot of times i honestly don´t enjoy going to these places that surround myself with alcohol and just sitting around and doing nothing. i would much rather stay home and read. (yes i am a nerd). however, i am just trying to deal with the fact that i am here and this is a part of their culture. and even more than that this is the chance i get to get to know people, to reach out to people and attempt to start a friendship with those on the trip with me. but like this specific time i had a chance to share my love for Jesus with someone. i had a chance to just be real and open. i don´t really know what i´m trying to say...but it was a good night and very eyeopening for me. the Lord continues to teach me so very much about Him and myself and how we are different from each other...how he wants me to change. how he is encourages me more and more to give hand more of myself over to Him.
if there is one thing i have shared more about and learned more about concerning my relationship wtih God is that he is WITH me. i have spent a lot of alone time this trip. throughout the day i am by myself quite a lot. i go walking around el centro, or around the little shops and neighborhoods, or go study in Starbucks (which Spainairds look at you as if you are insane when you study in a cafe...they should come to college station...ha) but i feel close to Him. just vocalizing lots of my thoughts and questions to him. just talking to him. this past semester i read a lot in genesis, and contemplated a lot about Adam. the one thing that i found most interesting is that he spent a lot, a lot of alone time with God. from that i take that God wants to be with us. wants me to want to be with Him. not just simply know that he exists but experience him.
¨For what we need to know, of course, is not just that God exists, not just that beyond the steely brightness of the stars there is a cosmic intelligence of some kind that keeps the whole show going, but that there is a God right here in the thick of our day-by-day lives who may not be writing messages about himself in the stars but in one way or another is trying to get messages through our blindness as we move around down here knee-deep in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of the world. It is not objective proof of God´s existence that we want but the experience of God´s presence. That is the miracle we are really after, and that is also, I think, the miracle that we really do get.¨ (fredrick buechner)
i agree. that is the miracle we get. that is the miracle that i have gotten. the overwhleming experience of living WITH God. experiencing life with Him.
Saturday we travled to Jerez and Cadiz. uggg wish i could show you pics...i will post them sometime i promise!
Saturday night we arrived back in Sevilla and i spent the night with Blaire. laying on her bed her hotel room just talking. about everything. mostly Jesus. mostly what we are going through that we don´t really have anyone else to talk with about...or at least anyone who knows me like blaire does. it was so good to see her. i Praise God for doing that for me. for letting us be together throughout the trip every now and then. it has been so refreshing.
Sunday Bettina and I got up and went to the Gypsie Market :) it was fabulous! definitely jammed packed with people. you could barely walk through the streets around all the tables. it took us about 2 hrs to see everything there. i bought two CDs for 1€ each! yep i´m a bargain shopper and they are 2 of the bands i have been wanting to listen to! and they had the best and biggest fruit i have ever seen. we bought two gigantic apples. decided to save them for the next day and we woke up with our room smelling like granny smith! mmmmm soo good.
i have to eat some lunch.
much much love.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
i want to be a kid again...
ahhhhhhi just finished my midterm exam :)
it went well--everything so far is still review for me which is somewhat frustrating, but at the same time-- before i came i didn´t have a solid grip on most of the grammer so its good for me to get it drilled into my head again
its half way over. i honestly can´t believe it. so far this week has been really chill and i´ve enjoyed it so much--its been full of moments and conversations that i wish i had the ability to replay for you second by second
on sunday, after eating lunch i decided to indulge in the Spanish culture and take a siesta...well kinda. i decided to watch a movie :) i got comfortable in my bed and turned on pride and prejudice. (aaaahhhh love it!) in less than two minutes i heard the front door open and shrills coming from two very cute little girls: my host "cousins" i guess you could call them. i´ve talked about them before, they are mi madre´s grandchildren that live next door.
suddenly my door opened and there stood Alahondra and little Ampie staring at me.
then after making eye contact they quickly shut the door back.
...and then opened it again :)
they ran in carrying baby dolls and speaking crazy spanish. sooooooo i can´t really understand Spain* spanish that easily and its definitely hard for me to understand baby Spain spanish! i paused the movie as they ran around the room picking up things and then jumping on the bed with me. the oldest, Alahondra 4 yrs old, snuggled up beside me and wanted to watch the movie with me. i explained to her that it was in english, but that hardly persuaded her not to watch it. which i was very excited about! we spent the next 10 minutes practicing the trilling of my rrrrrr´s because as i talked to her she kept telling me that i wasn´t saying the words right. ha. so we practiced :)
it was great. then we watch pride and prejudice until her mom came back...needlessto say it was a great sunday afternoon.
sunday night i tried out a different church. i felt very alone walking in. i sat on the back row because they had already starting singing. i tried really hard to understand the message...but i couldn´t. that was frustrating. i did pick out a lot of stuff but i just wish i could understand more!!! after church i was stopped by one of the men and after mumbling my mixed up spanglish to him about myself, he informed me that he could speak english--i hate it when they do that! lol i feel so silly because the whole time i have no idea that they know english. i got to stay after and talk with him for a while about all the things going on with their group of believers--it was so great to meet other believers...ahh i just love it. i love to see the heart of my Father, the love that he has put in his children and how he just connects all of us together. i miss intense fellowship with other believers....this has been such a growing experience...words can only express so much i wish i could somehow explain more...
i praise God for my roommate--we are very different but we our friendship has flourished. we don´t see each other during the day because of our different class schedules, and its funny...at the end of the day i come home and get so excited to see her--crazy how much you can bond with someone. well yesterday after class she waited for me to get out and we walked home together. the conversation turned to so many different subjects and ended up at religion. she started asking me questions. hard questions....i thank God for giving me that opportunity, but i don´t think i did Him justice. i hate that...that feeling that after you have attempted to explain God...your love for Him..his love for people...your thoughts on different subjects and right afterwards your like "man, that didn´t really come across the way i wanted it to" but i know with out a doubt that He is softening her heart, its nothing i will ever do anyway, i know he doesn´t need me but I pray for opportunities if he wants to use me.
we both decided to stay home last night--i needed to study for my exam today and she didn´t mind staying home with me. after dinner---our conversation continued about Jesus. i started talking to her about how i was reading through the gospels again and just pointing out to her different things that i found extraordinary about my Jesus. we had a long conversation about matt. 18:1-4
"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly i say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
just on the way home she had told me a crazy story about her rollerblading and all the stunts and crazy things her and her friends used to have so much fun doing but that one time she got really scared and because of she was so unsteady and scared she almost crashed....at the end of the story she said that its funny how when she was a kid that would not have scared her at all but that something must happen as you grow up--you fear more.
after reading her this scripture i reminded her of what she said about being a kid and not having fear.
i told her that i love watching kids and that yesterday i had just seen a girl and her father walking on the sidewalk. the little girl started walking the other direction than her Dad over to a horse and carriage. she slowly got closer and closer to the horse--every time looking back at her Dad seeing what he was saying. he had stopped and was just watching her. with his hand he motioned for her to come back. she looked at the horse, looked back at her dad--and then ran straight back to Him and hugged him around his legs.
i just love how much trust little kids put in their parents. they don´t really question it, they don´t really wonder why their parents are asking them to do something, they might ver off the path but as soon as they see their Daddy´s eyes they run back....that is until they get older. until they get more knowledge, or more pride and start to think that they themselves might know better than their parents.
(which sounds absolutely crazy doesn´t it?)
so we discussed this. that Jesus was proclaiming that we should all be like little children. kids don´t have fear. they aren´t afraid of taking risks. they aren´t old enough to have knowledge to debate with their parents. they really don´t have a worry in the world.. kids are so free!
anyways...as you can see this tailspinned into a conversation about how i believe God wants us to be free. that he didn´t just come so we could get a ticket to heaven--but something more. he calls us to be kids. to surrender our life, our ambitions that we have accumulated over the years, our fears, our knowledge, our pride--and just follow him where ever he goes..living a life of abundance and craziness and joy and peace and realizing their is not reason for us to have a worry because the burden isn´t on our shouders--its on our Daddy´s
as kids we don´t have a list of reasons why we are good, because we haven´t DONE anything. as kids there is no reason for us to fill pride because of our salvation. we haven´t done anything to deserve it
its not that easy though when we have stopped being kids. i´m learning it takes a lot of retraining my brain to "become as a child"
for me, one of the biggest things i have to stop is debating God with all the thoughts in my head when i feel him calling me to do something....acting as if i myself might know better than him
(which sounds absolutely crazy doesn´t it?)
it went well--everything so far is still review for me which is somewhat frustrating, but at the same time-- before i came i didn´t have a solid grip on most of the grammer so its good for me to get it drilled into my head again
its half way over. i honestly can´t believe it. so far this week has been really chill and i´ve enjoyed it so much--its been full of moments and conversations that i wish i had the ability to replay for you second by second
on sunday, after eating lunch i decided to indulge in the Spanish culture and take a siesta...well kinda. i decided to watch a movie :) i got comfortable in my bed and turned on pride and prejudice. (aaaahhhh love it!) in less than two minutes i heard the front door open and shrills coming from two very cute little girls: my host "cousins" i guess you could call them. i´ve talked about them before, they are mi madre´s grandchildren that live next door.
suddenly my door opened and there stood Alahondra and little Ampie staring at me.
then after making eye contact they quickly shut the door back.
...and then opened it again :)
they ran in carrying baby dolls and speaking crazy spanish. sooooooo i can´t really understand Spain* spanish that easily and its definitely hard for me to understand baby Spain spanish! i paused the movie as they ran around the room picking up things and then jumping on the bed with me. the oldest, Alahondra 4 yrs old, snuggled up beside me and wanted to watch the movie with me. i explained to her that it was in english, but that hardly persuaded her not to watch it. which i was very excited about! we spent the next 10 minutes practicing the trilling of my rrrrrr´s because as i talked to her she kept telling me that i wasn´t saying the words right. ha. so we practiced :)
it was great. then we watch pride and prejudice until her mom came back...needlessto say it was a great sunday afternoon.
sunday night i tried out a different church. i felt very alone walking in. i sat on the back row because they had already starting singing. i tried really hard to understand the message...but i couldn´t. that was frustrating. i did pick out a lot of stuff but i just wish i could understand more!!! after church i was stopped by one of the men and after mumbling my mixed up spanglish to him about myself, he informed me that he could speak english--i hate it when they do that! lol i feel so silly because the whole time i have no idea that they know english. i got to stay after and talk with him for a while about all the things going on with their group of believers--it was so great to meet other believers...ahh i just love it. i love to see the heart of my Father, the love that he has put in his children and how he just connects all of us together. i miss intense fellowship with other believers....this has been such a growing experience...words can only express so much i wish i could somehow explain more...
i praise God for my roommate--we are very different but we our friendship has flourished. we don´t see each other during the day because of our different class schedules, and its funny...at the end of the day i come home and get so excited to see her--crazy how much you can bond with someone. well yesterday after class she waited for me to get out and we walked home together. the conversation turned to so many different subjects and ended up at religion. she started asking me questions. hard questions....i thank God for giving me that opportunity, but i don´t think i did Him justice. i hate that...that feeling that after you have attempted to explain God...your love for Him..his love for people...your thoughts on different subjects and right afterwards your like "man, that didn´t really come across the way i wanted it to" but i know with out a doubt that He is softening her heart, its nothing i will ever do anyway, i know he doesn´t need me but I pray for opportunities if he wants to use me.
we both decided to stay home last night--i needed to study for my exam today and she didn´t mind staying home with me. after dinner---our conversation continued about Jesus. i started talking to her about how i was reading through the gospels again and just pointing out to her different things that i found extraordinary about my Jesus. we had a long conversation about matt. 18:1-4
"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, "Truly i say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
just on the way home she had told me a crazy story about her rollerblading and all the stunts and crazy things her and her friends used to have so much fun doing but that one time she got really scared and because of she was so unsteady and scared she almost crashed....at the end of the story she said that its funny how when she was a kid that would not have scared her at all but that something must happen as you grow up--you fear more.
after reading her this scripture i reminded her of what she said about being a kid and not having fear.
i told her that i love watching kids and that yesterday i had just seen a girl and her father walking on the sidewalk. the little girl started walking the other direction than her Dad over to a horse and carriage. she slowly got closer and closer to the horse--every time looking back at her Dad seeing what he was saying. he had stopped and was just watching her. with his hand he motioned for her to come back. she looked at the horse, looked back at her dad--and then ran straight back to Him and hugged him around his legs.
i just love how much trust little kids put in their parents. they don´t really question it, they don´t really wonder why their parents are asking them to do something, they might ver off the path but as soon as they see their Daddy´s eyes they run back....that is until they get older. until they get more knowledge, or more pride and start to think that they themselves might know better than their parents.
(which sounds absolutely crazy doesn´t it?)
so we discussed this. that Jesus was proclaiming that we should all be like little children. kids don´t have fear. they aren´t afraid of taking risks. they aren´t old enough to have knowledge to debate with their parents. they really don´t have a worry in the world.. kids are so free!
anyways...as you can see this tailspinned into a conversation about how i believe God wants us to be free. that he didn´t just come so we could get a ticket to heaven--but something more. he calls us to be kids. to surrender our life, our ambitions that we have accumulated over the years, our fears, our knowledge, our pride--and just follow him where ever he goes..living a life of abundance and craziness and joy and peace and realizing their is not reason for us to have a worry because the burden isn´t on our shouders--its on our Daddy´s
as kids we don´t have a list of reasons why we are good, because we haven´t DONE anything. as kids there is no reason for us to fill pride because of our salvation. we haven´t done anything to deserve it
its not that easy though when we have stopped being kids. i´m learning it takes a lot of retraining my brain to "become as a child"
for me, one of the biggest things i have to stop is debating God with all the thoughts in my head when i feel him calling me to do something....acting as if i myself might know better than him
(which sounds absolutely crazy doesn´t it?)
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Cuando en España!
or as most would say, "When in Rome..."
i have a feeling of such urgency.
like deep in the pit of my stomach i feel an undescribeable stirring of emotions.
i want to do crazy things.
like just sprint out of my precious español flat apartment and run...run...run as far as i can and when i stop. just soak in wherever i am. i went to down to the river yesterday and i had to try so hard to not let myself just jump off the bridge and splash into the amazingly blue water. i walk every day underneath the prettiest blue sky and the greenest trees and it just makes me want to scream or laugh or cry all at the same time.
i can see how all of this sounds very crazy but unfortunately i am very serious. ha
i want to live life.
simple as that.
however for some reason it doesn´t seem simple at all.
i don´t want to be constrained by anything. i don´t want to feel boxed in because of stupid things. por ejemplo: thoughts like "this doesn´t make sense", "there is no way this would ever work out", "no one has ever done it this way", "seriously emily, that will never work out", "emily the world just doesn´t work that way"...and so on and so on
i feel so alive. so full of dreams and desires and hopes. and some people might say that this feeling is because i´m 20 and everyone feels this way when they are young, like they can conquer the world. and i refuse to believe that. because i want to always feel this way.
and i think i always will.
because its NOT because i´m 20 that i have this stirring of great and big *somethingnesss* in me (i can´t even grasp words for it)
its jesus.
its Him.
he loves me.
he loves me with such passion i don´t understand it.
i don´t comprehend how a God, how the God of the universe would love me. and every single part of me. he doesn´t keep a record of the wrongs i have done. he could care less. when the prostitute covered him with her tears and washed his feet with her hair, he loved her. with all her flaws...why? because she realized something the pharasees didn´t. she caught onto something that the religious leaders of the time were blinded to.
---interjection--last week as we were walking to the watch the bull fight my roommate and I had a discussion about grace. about how in heaven we will sit beside murderers, prostitutes, homeless people, and every other kind of person we characterize as "bad" or as distinct "sinners". and you see when you first think of this you think "oh wow God is so gracious to let thos type of people into heaven." but what you should be thinking is "oh wow, i might be sitting beside the people i could technically by the world´s standards call the worst people---but they are sitting by ME."
and until that realization hits me. until i realize how entirely dreadful i am. i won´t ever appreciate my salvation.
and we discussed how amazing it is that this God, MY God loves people. not based on anything we have ever done. i mean he created us out of dirt, not because we(who had not even been born) had done anything great. no. and not that we ever would do anything to deserve his love. but even so--he loves the whole world--end of interjection--
she(the prostitute) was FREE.
because of Jesus. he had given her grace.
Jesus came to give LIFE.
he came to show humanity a beautiful God who loves the unloveable. and He gives grace. grace. and more grace. in the times where i fail miserably, in the times where give up, in the times when i choose not to acknowledge him--grace, grace, and more grace. (Romans 5: 19-21) ahhh to live in this truth, you are free. you become free to live.
and thats what i want. i want to live. fully. not holding anything back.
story time: after having a conversation with a lady about my future and me rambling about what i wanted to do. I was speaking as if my "real life" hadn´t started yet, but that after some grand finish mark, then it would magically start. I would say things like, "When i graduate college...when i do this internship, when i get married, when i have kids...etc etc etc."
she looked at me and said with such certainty and clarity, " Real life started when you woke up this morning--you missed it Emily."
*end of story*
i will never forget that one sentence. it rings in my ears. everytime i choose not to seize the moment. every time i pass up an opportunity to do something i know for certain is in my heart to do. every time i act as if i am a character on some stage waiting for the show to be over and for me to begin "real life". this rings in my ear.
real life started when you woke up this morning. you breathed in. and breathed out. now what are you going to do about it?
this reminds me of the story of the talents in the bible. the three servants were asked to give their master an account of how they used their gifts that were given to them. two of them used their talents with boldness, not afraid of taking any risks--they were resourceful. however, the third one buried his gift. as i read this parable it makes me realize that God wants me to take risks. he has given me gifts and talents and wants me to use them.
i want to make decisions without knowing exactly what the outcome will be. i want to make mistakes. i want to learn. i want to trust God fully and have faith completely--even if that means i will probably look like an idiot and not make much sense to the people around me.
and so...umm yea...those are my ramblings...
this is a recap of this week:
school is going along great, i love my teacher...however i feel like i am not where i wanted to be with my knowledge of spanish..pray for discipline
Thurs i took a bus to Malaga to see the one and only Blaire---definitely the highlight of my week! I got to go to the beach with her..ahh it was so refreshing to be around my blaire...there are only two words to describe our time together "SIN DOLOR"
yesterday i went to the futbol (soccer) game. it was insane. crazy. the spainish culture does not joke about their futbol. no sir.
this week is going to be full of tests and studying.
much much love
i have a feeling of such urgency.
like deep in the pit of my stomach i feel an undescribeable stirring of emotions.
i want to do crazy things.
like just sprint out of my precious español flat apartment and run...run...run as far as i can and when i stop. just soak in wherever i am. i went to down to the river yesterday and i had to try so hard to not let myself just jump off the bridge and splash into the amazingly blue water. i walk every day underneath the prettiest blue sky and the greenest trees and it just makes me want to scream or laugh or cry all at the same time.
i can see how all of this sounds very crazy but unfortunately i am very serious. ha
i want to live life.
simple as that.
however for some reason it doesn´t seem simple at all.
i don´t want to be constrained by anything. i don´t want to feel boxed in because of stupid things. por ejemplo: thoughts like "this doesn´t make sense", "there is no way this would ever work out", "no one has ever done it this way", "seriously emily, that will never work out", "emily the world just doesn´t work that way"...and so on and so on
i feel so alive. so full of dreams and desires and hopes. and some people might say that this feeling is because i´m 20 and everyone feels this way when they are young, like they can conquer the world. and i refuse to believe that. because i want to always feel this way.
and i think i always will.
because its NOT because i´m 20 that i have this stirring of great and big *somethingnesss* in me (i can´t even grasp words for it)
its jesus.
its Him.
he loves me.
he loves me with such passion i don´t understand it.
i don´t comprehend how a God, how the God of the universe would love me. and every single part of me. he doesn´t keep a record of the wrongs i have done. he could care less. when the prostitute covered him with her tears and washed his feet with her hair, he loved her. with all her flaws...why? because she realized something the pharasees didn´t. she caught onto something that the religious leaders of the time were blinded to.
---interjection--last week as we were walking to the watch the bull fight my roommate and I had a discussion about grace. about how in heaven we will sit beside murderers, prostitutes, homeless people, and every other kind of person we characterize as "bad" or as distinct "sinners". and you see when you first think of this you think "oh wow God is so gracious to let thos type of people into heaven." but what you should be thinking is "oh wow, i might be sitting beside the people i could technically by the world´s standards call the worst people---but they are sitting by ME."
and until that realization hits me. until i realize how entirely dreadful i am. i won´t ever appreciate my salvation.
and we discussed how amazing it is that this God, MY God loves people. not based on anything we have ever done. i mean he created us out of dirt, not because we(who had not even been born) had done anything great. no. and not that we ever would do anything to deserve his love. but even so--he loves the whole world--end of interjection--
she(the prostitute) was FREE.
because of Jesus. he had given her grace.
Jesus came to give LIFE.
he came to show humanity a beautiful God who loves the unloveable. and He gives grace. grace. and more grace. in the times where i fail miserably, in the times where give up, in the times when i choose not to acknowledge him--grace, grace, and more grace. (Romans 5: 19-21) ahhh to live in this truth, you are free. you become free to live.
and thats what i want. i want to live. fully. not holding anything back.
story time: after having a conversation with a lady about my future and me rambling about what i wanted to do. I was speaking as if my "real life" hadn´t started yet, but that after some grand finish mark, then it would magically start. I would say things like, "When i graduate college...when i do this internship, when i get married, when i have kids...etc etc etc."
she looked at me and said with such certainty and clarity, " Real life started when you woke up this morning--you missed it Emily."
*end of story*
i will never forget that one sentence. it rings in my ears. everytime i choose not to seize the moment. every time i pass up an opportunity to do something i know for certain is in my heart to do. every time i act as if i am a character on some stage waiting for the show to be over and for me to begin "real life". this rings in my ear.
real life started when you woke up this morning. you breathed in. and breathed out. now what are you going to do about it?
this reminds me of the story of the talents in the bible. the three servants were asked to give their master an account of how they used their gifts that were given to them. two of them used their talents with boldness, not afraid of taking any risks--they were resourceful. however, the third one buried his gift. as i read this parable it makes me realize that God wants me to take risks. he has given me gifts and talents and wants me to use them.
i want to make decisions without knowing exactly what the outcome will be. i want to make mistakes. i want to learn. i want to trust God fully and have faith completely--even if that means i will probably look like an idiot and not make much sense to the people around me.
and so...umm yea...those are my ramblings...
this is a recap of this week:
school is going along great, i love my teacher...however i feel like i am not where i wanted to be with my knowledge of spanish..pray for discipline
Thurs i took a bus to Malaga to see the one and only Blaire---definitely the highlight of my week! I got to go to the beach with her..ahh it was so refreshing to be around my blaire...there are only two words to describe our time together "SIN DOLOR"
yesterday i went to the futbol (soccer) game. it was insane. crazy. the spainish culture does not joke about their futbol. no sir.
this week is going to be full of tests and studying.
much much love
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
great moment :)
today 3 different people came up to me as i was walking into plaza nueve and started speaking in spanish asking me for directions.
you know what this means? THEY thought I was spanish.
:)
after soaking in the joy of the moment for about 10 seconds i had to regretfully tell them that I am an American and then we all spoke english together.
but yaaay !
one of my many goals while in España has been accomplished!
you know what this means? THEY thought I was spanish.
:)
after soaking in the joy of the moment for about 10 seconds i had to regretfully tell them that I am an American and then we all spoke english together.
but yaaay !
one of my many goals while in España has been accomplished!
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